A Day in the Life of Jack
by SawyersGirl4Ever
Summary: How Jack spends his day, from Sawyer’s point of view, as he tells the story to Aaron to get him to sleep. If you like Jack, this is NOT the story for you.


**A Day in the Life of Jack**

**Title: A Day in the Life of Jack**

**By: SawyersGirl4Ever**

**Rated: T **

**Summary: How Jack spends his day, from Sawyer's point of view, as he tells the story to Aaron to get him to sleep. If you like Jack, this is NOT the story for you.**

**Status: Complete**

**Author's Note: This is taking place as if some of the dead are still alive, some of the Others are living with the Losties, the hatch didn't implode, etc. In other words, it's a little bit AU. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or any of the characters.**

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The sun was just barely coming up when I came out of the ocean, naked in all my glory, after my daily morning swim. Then I saw him. Walking from tent to tent so early in the morning. Checking on everybody. Making sure they're all either still asleep or safe in their little homes. Damn guy must never sleep. Too much hero bullshit going on in that head of his. Gotta make sure everyone is safe.

I guess I can't blame him. He got us captured and tortured for 2 weeks. He knew Michael was compromised as Sayid had put it, but he let us go anyway. Hell, he _should_ be protecting us now.

As he approached my tent, I yelled at him. Hey Jackass, over here! He looked at me, checked me out too, but I told him I was saving it for Kate. He started crying and wiped his tears with his shirt tail. Good to see you're out and about Sawyer he said. Yeah, he should have thought about that when I was in the damn bear cage or getting needles jabbed into me.

Then he walked off to Hurley's tent. DUDE! I heard Hurley scream. By the time I got my pants on and got to Hurley's tent I saw Jack come out and he was so obviously embarrassed. I pulled the flap back and saw Hurley with a bottle of ranch dressing and he was rubbing it all over Libby. They were both nekkid too. Except for the ranch dressing. DUDE! Hurley said to me. Way to go Jabba I told him and left smiling.

Jacko's next stop was your mom's tent. Bloody hell, I heard your Dad –uh – Charlie say. Jack came out, embarrassed again. I peeked in and there was Charlie with a jar of peanut butter and he was rubbing it all over your mom. Good thing you weren't around for that little scene.

I caught up to the doc before he got to Jin and Sun's tent. Figured I better cut him off at the pass cos I knew if Hurley was into the ranch dressing and your mom was bathing in peanut butter, then those two would be knee deep in caviar.

Hey doc, I said. You seen Freckles yet today? Why would I see her? He asked. She's not my responsibility any more, she's yours. I tell ya, the guy was starting to tear up again. It's just she was gone when I went for my swim. Was wonderin' where she went is all. She's probably out getting fruit Jack said and went toward Sayid's tent.

I stopped worrying about Kate for just a minute when I heard a high pitched scream that just about burst my eardrums. Jack came running out of Sayid's tent, followed by Sayid, who was followed by Shannon. Damn girl was carrying some bamboo shoots and a lasso made out of a vine that she twirled over her head and swung, catching Sayid in the loop. 'Bout that time I remembered I needed to find Freckles and I walked off.

When I got to the treeline, Jack was there. I started thinking he must be magic or either he's stalking me seeing as he seems to be everywhere I am. What's up doc? I asked. Still making my rounds he said. Doctor making rounds. Of course. He was a few feet ahead of me, walking towards Bernard. I looked around and didn't see Rose. Those two haven't been apart since Bernie got here from the tail side. I had a feeling something was up. I decided to wait and watch. Bernard sure looked nervous talking to Jack. A minute later I saw Rose. She had a bottle of Dharma laundry detergent. And let's just say there wasn't any laundry around to be done.

Jack turned around shaking his head and started walking into the jungle. I caught up to him. What do you want now Sawyer? He asked me. Nothin'. Just going to the hatch. I figured Freckles is probably in there getting food. I'm heading there myself he said. If Kate's there I'll let her know you're looking for her. What, do you think I'm stupid? I told him. I ain't letting you alone with my girl. No way. She told me she can't stand to be around ya you know, I said to him. He stopped walking. I could see the tears in his eyes. Why would she say that? He whined to me. Because you are bossy and controlling and you cry too much I said. And you don't let her be _her._ She doesn't need your supervision or your approval. Man, you should have seen him then. His bottom lip started quivering and the tears poured out. Wipe your face jackass I told him.

By the time we got to the hatch, Dr. McWhiney had removed his shirt because it was soaked from using it to wipe his face and blow his nose after all the crying he did on the way. When he saw Locke at the computer typing in the numbers as the timer was beeping, Mr. Eko was standing behind him with his hand on his shoulder. The doc must have interpreted it as a "special" moment or something cos he just started bawling again and ran to the bathroom.

Freckles was in the pantry gathering supplies for us, and she came out when she heard the bathroom door slam. When she saw me she came over and kissed me. Man, I never woulda thought she'd choose me over the good doctor, despite his less than macho tendencies. But hey, I'm not one to argue with fate. That's what me and Freckles are too, fate. You remember that, boy.

When the doc came out of the bathroom, he had put on a new shirt. He saw Freckles handing me some of the food and his face got all scrunched up and I knew he was gonna let loose again. He turned around and hauled his ass back into the bathroom as quickly as he had come out.

Freckles and I stayed and played a game of ping pong with Locke and Eko. Jack came out of the bathroom and saw us having fun. He got a glass of water, then proceeded to pour it over his head. All 4 of us gave him a what-the-f look. I'm the damn spinal surgeon! He yelled. I'm the smartest person on this island. I'm the hero! What the man was, is psycho. He kept going on, you should all want _me_. I'm the best. Kate, you should have chosen _me_! He yelled at her. Jate is Fate! She just reached over and grabbed my arm. I moved in front of her to protect her from psycho doc.

Locke and Eko each took one of Jack's arms and dragged him over to the armory. They put him inside and shut the door. Poor guy just kept screaming Pick me Kate! Pick me Kate! Jate is Fate! Jate is Fate! Good thing that damn door is practically soundproof. Made of steel too cos I think he would have broke it down. Freckles and I left Locke and Eko to babysit him. We'd had about all we could take.

Well they musta let him out a little later because we saw him back on the beach in the afternoon. Freckles was reading to me since I lost my damn glasses. Finally had some that were almost perfect. Got captured by creepy Ben and company and now they're gone too. Jack walked up to our tent and told Kate to go inside. Thought he wanted to talk to me, but no, he followed her into the tent! Before I could get outta my seat Freckles screamed JACK! DON'T! and then I heard the sound of fist hitting face and jackass came flying out of the tent. Freckles said he was trying to listen to her heart, _without_ a stethoscope! Guy's gotta learn only I get to do that.

So after he wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, damn, my girl's sure got a good right hook, he turned and went towards Danielle's tent. Don't know when she had time to put it up in between stalking your mom and torturing Sayid, but it's pretty damn sophisticated if you ask me. Got itself 2 whole rooms inside. Anyway, he knocked on her door, yep, she has one of those too, made out of bamboo. Pretty cool. So I see the door open and Jack goes in. Next thing I know, Dr. Giggles ain't giggling. He comes running out crying like a baby, no offence, but he was letting loose again. Then I see Ana Lucia come to the door and put her arm around the ol' French chick. Shoulda seen that one coming since she never once hit on _me_. But I guess the doc was under the impression that he could have her too, what with him being the hero and all. Someday he'll wake up and smell the gull crap, girls don't always go for the heroes. Lord knows I ain't no hero and look what I got, best damn woman in the world in love with me, _me_. I didn't do nothin' to deserve her, but I got her anyway. Yeah, shortstuff, I'm a lucky man.

So anyway, el Jacko wipes his face on his shirt again and goes over to Zeke's tent. I hate that these people followed us back from Otherville. So many people around to con, so little time. But back to the doc, out comes ol' Mr. Friendly and Mrs. Klugh. Those two make a really cute couple you know. He was feeding her fishbiscuits too. Maybe they'll have one of those kind of epic love stories someday, you know, like me and Freckles. Tom offered Jack a fishbiscuit and of course the doc thought that meant that he wanted him, and before he could get the biscuit to his lips, Mrs. Klugh grabbed it from him and slapped him in the face. I guess you know what happened next. Yep, more crying. It's sad really.

So off he goes, toward Alex's tent. She's set up right next to her mother the French chick. Let's just hope she doesn't go getting all wacky like her mom. She's kinda cool, helped me and Freckles escape you know. Her boyfriend Karl ain't a bad guy either. So Jack goes to their tent, opens the flap, and walks in. Now listen closely, cos what I'm gonna say is gonna shock you, he tells Alex she should be with him! She's what, like 16? The man is crazy! Sick I tell you. I mean, she's hot and all, but he really needs to find someone his own age. 'Course that's supposing anybody his own age is dumb enough to have him. So out he comes, crying like a baby again, still no offence to ya kid, but I guess he's just one of those _sensitive_ men Freckles was reading to be about one time. Damn sensitivity! I ain't never gonna be like that. You gotta be hard, stubborn, let 'em know who wears the pants. Hold on a minute, I think I hear Freckles calling me. Yes, I got the wood for tonight's fire. Yes dear, I got the fish from Jin too. Yes honey, I borrowed the scissors from Sun so you can cut my hair later.

So now, where were we? Oh yeah, so the doc walks to Desmond's tent. Well, he really doesn't have a tent, it's more like an igloo or one of those snow globe things. Damn dome is what he's got. Made out of tarps and palm fronds, but it's only about 3 feet tall. Gotta crawl in and then he's got a freaking hole in the ground. Guess he got used to the hatch and since he's not in there full time anymore, he couldn't totally get himself away from the below sea level idea. So Jack crawls in and sees button man and Penny doin' the dirty, and what do ya know, out he runs, sobbing again! Poor guy really needs to get a life.

I watched him go down the beach to the blonde bitch, I mean, Juliet's tent. She's a real cold hearted woman and I know now that she thought she was helping us, but damn she didn't need to taser me and hold a gun to Kate's head. Just let us in on the plan lady, that's all I'm sayin'. So she's there with the artist known as Henry/Fenry/Benry/Ben, whatever the hell his name is today, and I don't know if he's conning her, cos you know he thinks he's good, but I'm really better, but he's got some soup in a big barrel and I swear I caught a glimpse of her with nothing but a ladle in her possession. So Jack sees this and immediately starts screaming She's supposed to be with me! Jacket is Fate! Jacket is Fate! He was crying hysterically again. Henry/Ben took out his little club and whacked Jack in the head with it. At least now you have something to cry for, he said.

So the docs turns around and runs back to his tent, and as soon as he went in, I saw him come back out with his hands in the air. Went over to him, what's wrong? I asked. Check it out he said. I looked thru the flap and there were these two people, never seen 'em before in my life, screwing on his blanket. They were naked as jaybirds caught in the act. Said their names were Nikki and Paulo and they were on the plane too. Where they've been for 70 some days I don't know. But there they were, using Jacko's tent as if it were the Motel 6. I think the light sure went on for the ol' doc at that moment. Finally realized it. Everybody gettin' some but him. Whatever-their-names are couple just grabbed their clothes and ran out of the tent.

'Bout that time, Vincent comes running up, tail a-waggin', wearing a red bandana around his neck. Jack looks down at him and says, Is that for me? I tell you, I'm really confused what he's talking about, and he reaches down and takes off the bandana. He unrolls it and puts it on his head. Thanks, he says to the damn dog. Let's go, and he turns and heads into his tent, whistling for Vincent. The dog peeks into the tent, hears the doc whistling for him, tucks his tail between his legs and hightails it down the beach. I heard the whistling stop and the crying start. Again. Figured that was my que for me to be getting home to Freckles. I'd heard all that I could stand for one day.

I tell ya kid, _A guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody. Don't make no difference who the guy is, long as he's with you. I tell ya, I tell ya a guy gets too lonely and he gets sick._ Come on kid, let's get you back to your Mamacita now.

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**A/N: Sorry if this was a little mean to Jack. I really like him this season. I love Sawyer more, and think he and Kate have always belonged together. Please read and review! **


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